I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
