did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
