it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
