Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
