ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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