I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
