i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
