i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
