I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
