A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
