Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
