He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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