So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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