alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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