I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I AM VODKA MAN
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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