____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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