So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
