Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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