The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Non-Jews are for practice
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
