ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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