Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
