Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
