Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Is it because I queefed?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
