Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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