Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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