shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
