Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
