I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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