Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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