I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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