I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
