he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
