also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
