so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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