I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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