If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
