p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
