Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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