In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
