Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
