he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
