i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
As shirtless as possible
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
