Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
