Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
