My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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