apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
