I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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