your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
