From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How many fucks given?
0.12846
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
