I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Fuck appropriateness.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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