I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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