whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
